Difference between boys and girls when getting cash from an ATM
Boys:
1- Drive to the bank, park, and go to the Cash Dispenser
2- Insert card
3- Dial code and desired amount
4-Take the cash and the card
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How to Keep a Woman Happy
It's not difficult
All you have to do is to be:
1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
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Chinese speaking to a Chinese operator
Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?
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Driving Test
The following are a sampling of real answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school.
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Mathematics
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
-Smart man + smart woman = romance
-Smart man + dumb woman = affair
-Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
-Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
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Prison VS Work
IN PRISON you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
AT WORK you spend most of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.
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Employer Speak: what they say and what they mean by it
1. Entry level position:
You'll be making minimum wage.
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Applicant Speak: what they say and what they mean by it
1. I know how to deal with stressful situations:
I'm usually on Prozac. When I'm not, I take lots of cigarette and coffee breaks.
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Moose Hunting
Three men took a small plane to the wilderness in northern Canada to hunt moose over the weekend. The last thing the pilot said was, "Remember, this is a very small plane and you will only be able to bring ONE moose back."
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Lumberjack
The classified ad said, "Wanted: a very experienced lumberjack". A man answered the ad and was asked to describe his experience.
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Kidding??
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources person asked a young applicant fresh out of Business School, "And what starting salary are you looking for?"
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Just one Ear!!
In a job interview for policemen the applicants are shown a profile picture of a man, and the interviewer says, "The job that you're applying for requires powers of observation. Make one observation about this man."
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What's What?
The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer went in to try out for the job.
"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?"
"11" he replied.
The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right."
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SNOW STORM ALERT
One winter morning in Iowa, a couple was listening to the radio while eating breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." Norman's wife went out and moved her car.
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Microsoft VS. GM
At a recent computer expo (1996 COMDEX), Bill Gates compared the computer industry to the automotive indusrty by stating: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving cars that cost $25.00 and get 1,00 miles to the gallon."
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Diagnosis
One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor."
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Aliens a L’Americana
President Dubya was awakened one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon.
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World War III
George W. Bush and Tony Blair are sitting in a bar.
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Bush and Son
A reporter cornered George W. Bush at a press conference:
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Lunch with the President
Bush and Cheney are at a restaurant for lunch. The waitress comes over and asks what they will be having.
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Bush is Full of it…
President George W. Bush is hit by a strong case of constipation. He sends his Spanish secretary, who knows little English, to the local hospital. She tells the doctor, "Big President Bush, no shit."
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Bush’s Big Favor
George W. Bush is sitting in a hotel lobby, planning his speech to a group of businessmen, when a man approaches him. "Excuse me, Mr. Bush, but my name is John Tapay, and I'm here with an extremely important client. We're going to see your speech tonight, and it would be a great help to me if when we walk by, you could impress him by saying, 'Hello, John'."
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Bush Fans
There's a teacher in a small Texas town. She asks her class how many of them are Bush fans. Not really knowing what a Bush fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy, Johnny.
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Giving sad news to a troop
The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me."
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Advert blunders
Cracking an international market is a goal of most growing corporations.
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