Prison VS Work
IN PRISON you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
AT WORK you spend most of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.
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Employer Speak: what they say and what they mean by it
1. Entry level position:
You'll be making minimum wage.
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Applicant Speak: what they say and what they mean by it
1. I know how to deal with stressful situations:
I'm usually on Prozac. When I'm not, I take lots of cigarette and coffee breaks.
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Moose Hunting
Three men took a small plane to the wilderness in northern Canada to hunt moose over the weekend. The last thing the pilot said was, "Remember, this is a very small plane and you will only be able to bring ONE moose back."
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Lumberjack
The classified ad said, "Wanted: a very experienced lumberjack". A man answered the ad and was asked to describe his experience.
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Kidding??
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources person asked a young applicant fresh out of Business School, "And what starting salary are you looking for?"
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Just one Ear!!
In a job interview for policemen the applicants are shown a profile picture of a man, and the interviewer says, "The job that you're applying for requires powers of observation. Make one observation about this man."
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What's What?
The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer went in to try out for the job.
"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?"
"11" he replied.
The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right."
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SNOW STORM ALERT
One winter morning in Iowa, a couple was listening to the radio while eating breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." Norman's wife went out and moved her car.
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Microsoft VS. GM
At a recent computer expo (1996 COMDEX), Bill Gates compared the computer industry to the automotive indusrty by stating: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving cars that cost $25.00 and get 1,00 miles to the gallon."
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